What Do You Do ?
by Gina.N.B
Summary: Bella’s painful past has left her angry and full of hate; can a golden-eyed Vampire heal her wounds and open her eyes? Falling for the enemy is never going to be easy.
1. If You Slip From The Tightrope

**What Do You Do ...?**

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#1 - ... If You Slip From The Tightrope?**

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I walk a tightrope between worlds.

Born insignificant and innocent in a tiny town in Washington.

When I was sixteen I was sliced open and my body was changed,

Six months later I killed my first vampire, and I've been doing it ever since.

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Another cold drop of rain made its way down the gap between my neck and jacket, sending a shiver down my spine. I rolled my fingers around the edge of the hole, gripping tight as I leaned over to peer into the darkness.

"Maybe I should.." Rozz pulled the knife from her belt, spinning it in her fingers as she used her teeth to slide down the zipper on the arm of her jacket.

"No!" The zip dropped from her lips quickly as I snatched the knife from her grip. Her eyes wide as she glared at me, a disapproving snarl at her lips. "Waste not, Rozz." Slowly, considerately, I returned the knife to its place at her hip.

Rozz cut herself like blood was going out of fashion. The first time we used our own blood as vamp-bate had been a complete accident; one everyone had labelled completely fucking colossal. If a brainy vamp ever got a hold of mine or Rozz's blood, then they may be able to find out how the anti-venom worked, and that would be seriously risky shit.

But then one night Rozz's life changed for ever. Who am I shitting, that night _my _life changed forever, that night I became the stable one. After that night my orders were always signed of with_ "and for fucks sakes keep and eye on Rosalie,"_ whereas before Rozz would get the same endnote about me. Since that night Rozz cut herself for the buzz. Her body was covered in the thin, long scars whereas I just had a few zigzags up either forearm. Rozz cut her thighs, wrists, hands, chest, anywhere that'd bleed. She didn't care. Her body wasn't hers anymore; it hadn't been since that night. Now her scars just acted like a ladder up her body, leading up to the dead look in her beautiful eyes. I'd cut myself a thousand times, let every bloodsucker on the planet come sniffing if it'd bring the life back to those eyes.

"It could be nothing. Some weird-ass cult or kids doing dumb shit for kicks. It was kids right?" Rozz's nimble fingers whipped to her back pocket and were already running across the keypad of her handheld when she lifted it before us both so we could watch the video of the reason we were both here, in the cold, crouched over a goddamn sewer.

The video showed the same place we were at now on account of the camera mounted less than fifteen feet behind me. There weren't many places not on a constant feed anywhere in this city, and this one just happened to be on mine and Rozz's turf, so the three guys who hopped into this hole at 3:47 yesterday morning were our responsibility.

This video shouldn't have bothered us the way it did. The main purpose of our cameras were to look for one thing and one thing only; a specific kind of pigmentation in the irises that screamed bloodsucker.

The picture was grainy and black and white, the camera too focused on looking for that red to bother with much other colour. These guys didn't have red eyes. The video might just be showing us shadowy caverns where their eyes would be, but there sure as hell was no red. So why the fuck _were _Rozz and I crouched in the rain, by this son of a bitch manhole?

I blamed the big guy. Of the three of them he was the tallest, widest; biggest, and the way he threw across that cast iron cover like it was made of polystyrene sent a warning buzz up my spine. Not only did people not go into sewers unless they had a screw loose, but it took a crowbar and a lot of back-strain to get them there.

He planted his feet where I crouched now, waving his hand ceremoniously into the darkness and bowing as he ushered the two men who accompanied him to proceed. The picture quality sucked, but these three didn't look too old; early twenties at the most.

The one who dropped through the hole first could have been no more than a couple inches shorter than the big guy, though his frame was far leaner. He approached with his hands connected behind his back, something upright, almost soldierly about his walk. His hands didn't break from behind him when he dropped; there wasn't even a break in his step. He just dropped in. People don't just drop into manholes. People scramble. People lower themselves and shit it as they stare into the darkness, not knowing when their feet will touch solid ground again.

The third guy was shorter and leaner still, but he dropped in the same confident fashion. Then the big guy rolled in too, pulling the manhole roughly into place after him. A second of stillness passed before with a quick jerk, the manhole was ushered into its position from below.

When the video ended Rozz peered further over into the darkness; a lock of her golden hair dragged along as she craned her neck and it dangled in the air, almost shimmering in the dark street.

"It's gotta be about eight feet deep, Izz. You wanna tell me how 'kids' positioned a manhole cover eight feet up?" I sighed. I didn't need this tonight. Rozz was in one of her darkest moods, one where she was an unparalleled danger to herself. Completely fucking reckless and impatient.

"There's a ladder up the wall." She snarled, rolling her eyes like me pointing it out insulted her. I fucking hated how she got like this. It's not that she didn't notice the steel rails embedded in the concrete, she just didn't _want _to see them. She wanted to believe that despite all the evidence on the contrary, there were bloodsuckers down there. Part of me couldn't blame her. It'd been over two months since our last kill, and that had only been one newborn. Newborns were no fun. Their behaviour was too erratic for them to be anything but an effortless job. And Rozz got a special kick out of teasing Newborns.

The last one had been one we'd had to chase through the woods after it went on a blood-thirsty rampage in the city; killing four. I liked the chase; it was the only thing a Newborn was good for, after that it got disorganized and pathetic. When we caught up Rozz got that hungry look in her eyes and a lethal grin across her lips. She'd sliced across the top of her left thigh before I even saw her knife move.

As usual the newborn went batshit. And as usual Rozz looked happier than ever as she watched it lose its fucking mind over her. She didn't flinch as it shot towards her. She didn't flinch as I vaulted onto its back, bringing it crashing and snarling to the ground less than five feet from where she stood.

Every Lumina knew it was more of a strain to get a newborn vampire than most others. Despite the fact we'd each been cut open and engineered to match vampire strength, Newborns were in a league of their own. As I knelt on this ones back, digging its writing body into the mud as its black eyes devoured Rozz, I knew that if the little fiend ever used its fucking brain and focused on _me _for a split second, it could've thrown me off and sucked Rozz dry. Of course it would have died anyway; as soon as the anti-venom in Rozz's blood took over. But getting a Newborn to stop feeding was impossible. They'd burn where they stood rather than stop mid-meal. _"A little fucking help, Rozz!" _I'd murmured through clenched teeth when she just continued to stand there, the blood flowing down her leg as she grinned. She chuckled, ran one of her gloved fingers across the wound before bringing it to her lips and sucking, her eyes not moving from the demon beneath me. Fucking reckless bitch! Sometimes she scared the shit out of me. Sometimes I wanted to throw her up against a wall and beat the shit out of her. I wanted her to wake the fuck up and realise what she'd become. I wanted her to stop treating her life so impassively. The bitch knew she was all I had in the world. She knew I needed her. And she didn't give a fuck anymore.

She'd just rolled her eyes when I grunted at the Newborns increased movement beneath me. Then she took one long step. The smile dropped from her lip as the heel of her boot smashed down on its neck. With her long, delicate fingers she bent down and pulled the head from its body. As I stood and disassembled the rest, Rozz giggled before the fire she'd quickly created. _"Nice one, Izz." _I just rolled my eyes, falling to my knees beside her so I could apply the bandages I always carried and stop the bleeding from her thigh. Fucking reckless.

"Come on, Izz. What've we got to lose?" She rocked her body beside me, nudging me playfully. I closed my eyes and took a sharp breath, my only answer a pursed smile as I let my body drop through the hole.

I landed crouched. Rozz's body landing beside mine a moment later. Even in the dark I saw her grin. Alarm bells went off when she smiled like that. My brain screaming reminders of the boss' constant order _"And for fucks sake keep an eye on Rosalie."_ Screw that! I had both eyes on her all the goddamn time these days.

I turned quickly and leapt onto one of the high ledges of the ladder, extending my arm and dragging the manhole cover into place. When I dropped back down Rozz shone her torch in my face as I stuck my tongue out and murmured,

"See, the ladder!" She giggled, throwing her arm around my shoulder and planting a kiss on my forehead. Adrenaline was Rozz's ecstasy. The threat of danger or excitement battered away at the cancerous dark that at all other times set about drowning her.

We set off down the tunnel, our breathing falling into the same pattern it always did when we were on a hunt. When she inhaled I exhaled and vice versa. That way we never missed anything. We couldn't smell venom. Not like vampires can smell blood. They can smell it as it courses through your veins. But each vampire has a smell we've been trained to notice when they get close enough. It draws you in, intoxicates you. Well at least that's what it's supposed to do. It just seems to make me and Rozz mega pissed.

"Shouldn't it fucking reek down here?" Rozz's icy voice echoed in the darkness.

"I don't think it's a sewer. More like a service tunnel or something." We walked in silence, Rozz's hand in mine as she gripped it firmly. With Rozz's adrenaline rushes came her insecurities. There was always a little window before and after a kill where she'd hug me, play with my hair, be like the playful little Rozz I'd met when I was a kid. But as she clung to me now it was fear. Nobody touched Rozz anymore. She couldn't bear to be touched after what happened to her. The only exception was me, and that was something I always left entirely up to her. Rozz wasn't scared of Vamps. The way she acted around them was testament to that. There were other things that haunted Rosalie.

She dropped my hand when the tunnel twisted and the sounds from our feet making contact with the ground changed. Rozz dropped to a crouch and pointed her torch to the floor. The concrete had changed to steel beneath us. Rozz ran her fingers across the detailing, shuffling further away as she made out what it was.

It was a door with a huge spin-lock in the centre. It creaked and groaned as Rozz twisted it quickly. I'd barely had time to take a breath before she pulled at the side-handle and threw it open.

Light flooded the tunnel.

As Rozz peered in, that grin spread across her face again. She turned to me slowly and whispered,

"Somebody's home." She leapt down quickly and I jumped after her. "What is it?"

I raised my body slowly and scanned the room. The walls were a white tile, dirtied with age. Around ten feet up the white was cut by one thin strip of blue. Above us the ceiling arched, before falling again into a full circle until it flattened at the floor. At the peak of the circular room ran a series of lights. I took a few steps forward to stand beside Rozz, and pointed towards where the concrete floor disappeared, replaced by lines of rails a foot below.

"It's a tube station. Or at least it was." London had many of them. No longer needed, appropriate or safe, so they were left. Closed off and forgotten.

Rozz strode further in. She ran her fingers slowly across the walls and breathed deep. This place sent chill down my spine. The way the bright, acidic light flooded the area we stood in now contrasted eerily with the impenetrable darkness of the wide tunnels at either end.

I held back as Rozz walked around, her eyes narrowed as she scrutinised every inch of her surroundings.

An electric tingle pulsed across a side of my exposed neck as a something cold passed across it. The sensation caused me to suck a sharp breath through my teeth. My eyes rolled slightly at the scent. Intoxicated. Fuck!

I pivoted and crouched quickly. Nothing. All I met was the rest of the platform behind me before it disappeared into the black tunnel.

"Izz?" Rozz called from behind me. I span my head quickly, pushing my finger to my lips to silence her.

"Yes!" She dropped to a crouch with a hiss, a predatory anticipation spreading across her features.

Ever get that feeling you're being watched?

You can be completely alone and you're senses will scream at you to pay attention, because somebody's out there.

My senses weren't so much screaming it, rather raging through me, shaking the knowledge into every muscle, every limb.

I stared down the tunnel and into the darkness, primed to notice even the slightest movement. Nothing.

I shifted my weight to the leg behind me and arched my back. The movement added a new area to my peripheral vision. And there he was, crouched stone-still in a gap between the steel rafters across the roof. He didn't shift, didn't even breathe, he just stared at me. With golden eyes. I stared back, and watched as he inhaled. His eyelids fluttered shut and his jaw hardened. When his eyes peeled open again they were wide. I knew the look he gave me then, it was the same look that Newborn had in its eyes when I brought its body to a sliding halt just feet from the flow of Rozz's blood. He wanted _me._ In a split second I saw his body begin to tremble with that want, those golden eyes still burning into mine. Golden eyes, what the hell?

His gaze shifted quickly across the room. Rozz had noticed. As I turned to her I watched as her hand disappeared behind her back, swinging forward again with a firepod between her fingers. She launched the silver orb in the direction of the rafter, only for the vamp to drop down before it hit and start running down the tunnel. I threw my body out of the way and pulled up the hood of my fire proof suit as the firepod collided with the tiles, exploding in a mass of orange flame. The flames still billowed as they searched for something to spread to, when Rozz threw herself through them, throwing her feet into the concrete as she chased the vampire. Fucking reckless.

I coughed through the smoke as I emptied a can of firefoam on the flames that clung to random debris across the floor. Rules were rules. Firefoam had become mandatory since Newton started a mini forest fire when we were in Australia, all for the sake of one Newborn. Fucking idiot.

I dropped the canister and took after Rozz. Dragging myself up the ladder we'd come down in one leap. In the darkness of the tunnel I could just make out the rapid tempo of Rozz's heels smashing to the ground in her chase and her screeching and seething in aggression. Rozz hated it when they ran. It was a chance _she _never got.

A small shot of grey light appeared before me as the vampire shot through the manhole onto the street. Thank god it was 4 am, the streets would be deserted. Rozz could have been in Central Park in the summertime and she wouldn't have stopped this chase now. Fucking reckless.

After what felt like an eternity in the dark I pulled my body to the surface, never letting a break fall in my step. Ahead of me Rozz still ran like her life depended on it. And shit, the vampire she was chasing was _fast. _

I followed them as they sped in the distance towards the bridge, pushing my legs harder when I noticed the headlights. If Rozz got spotted now we were both dead. Before he could come close enough to being seen the vampire disappeared over the side of the bridge. I veered left and saw him running across the stone ledge that adorned the side. I gritted my teeth and whispered,

"Don't you fucking dare follow him Rosalie Hale."

She did. She vaulted over the edge with her aggressive speed. I began to feel the burn in my hamstrings as they protested the way I was stretching my legs, getting maximum distance from each stride. When I reached the bridge I swung over the side without hesitation, my target no longer some mysterious bloodsucker, but my idiot best friend.

Their two outlines were barely visible in the fading light, but I saw that a decent distance still remained between each of us. Rozz was getting tired, I could tell. That was something our operation couldn't resolve. We all still got exhausted.

"Rozz!" I called her as I stopped, leaning against the side of the bridge, wrapping my arm through a pillar as I gathered my breath. Vampires had got away before. It fucking sucked, but it happened. And golden eyes, what the hell?

"Rozz, stop!" Her body was just a shadow in the distance, but I saw it wobble. Then I saw it fall forward. Then I saw as her head made contact with a corner of one of the pillar bases. Then she just fell. Limp.

"ROZZ!" Her body span twice before it made contact with the river below us. By that time I'd ran mid-point in the gap that had been between us, and dived into the water.

Fuck it was cold.

I broke the surface. Praying with my tired muscles for new energy as I pushed through the current to where she had fallen.

"ROSALIE!" I went back under. Vision was impossible in the murky water. I pushed through it, my fingers clawing in the darkness. When I resurfaced I was in a completely different place, facing the wrong way. I fought the burning tendons in my arms and forced them to move me in circles as my eyes scoured the water for Rozz. The rain was falling heavier and the sky was dark. I could see nothing.

"ROZZ! Fuck! No. Rosalie!" Hot tears made their way down my cheeks as my body quaked in a mixture of gut-wrenching panic and sheer chill from the water.

That's the thing when you walk a tightrope between worlds.

There's always the risk you'll slip, fall and spiral into darkness.

Then where will you land?

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**V Magic things happen when you click that there button V**

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	2. If You're Alone In The Dark

**A/N: Hello. I spared you any rambling last chapter, but just thought I'd pop up and say hey this time around. This chapter's a lot longer than the last, see Chapter One more as just a little introduction to the story, and to this Bella.  
Okay, so I'm not going to be completely ass-raping canon in this story, I like Canon, I think everyone does, (with exception of Canon-Bella). So, despite the obvious exception of Rosalie, the Cullens will still be just that ... the Cullens. There'll only be minor changes to Alice's story, which will be tackled later, and Emmett was still saved by the bear. It's just that it was Esme who found him, though she had similar motives to Rose in that she saw how cutesy-wutesy Emmy was and just HAD to save him. **  
**You'll also notice some familiar faces/names in this chapter, particularly of vampires, who are not so vampire here.  
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_Breathe Me- Sia_

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#2- ... If You're Alone In The Dark?  
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I ground my teeth together once again to keep them from chattering. The kitchen tile was cold beneath me but had now become just another twinge racing across my body. I let myself lean closer to the radiator as my wet hair began to form into damp clumps that hung over my face.

"Merde." The silence at the long, metal dining table a few feet from me had been broken. Laurent dropped his face to his hands as he repeated himself. "Merde, merde, merde." Beside him Mike sat with his eyes wide as he chewed on his lips, showing no reaction as Jessica's head rolled on his shoulder in muffled sobs.

I pressed myself further into the wall, hoping I'd burst through it and end up somewhere else, or at least burst through it and have the entire building collapse on me, that'd feel better than this.

Another round of tears trickled down my quivering cheeks. My face stung. My head throbbed. Everything fucking hurt. And Rozz was gone.

I sucked up. Licking the tears from around my lips and scrubbing the ones from my eyes with my cold, damp sleeve. When I smelled the river on the material I dropped my face to my arm, sinking my teeth into my flesh. I felt as I broke through the skin, creating little punctures. As I let the echoes of the small pain reverberate through my body I threw my head back, banging it on the wall behind me.

I set my jaw tight. What did tears do? Fuck all, that's what. I'd learned as a kid that tears didn't bring people back, however hard I screamed and yelled as I shed thousands of the fucking things. I hadn't cried since then. Until tonight at least.

Laurent's body shifted in his chair, facing me as his elbows fell to his knees.

"What happened, Bella?" I sniffed again and felt my chin quiver. My lips pulled back as I forced myself into composure.

"She fell." The words came out on the wave of a deep exhale. A loud, high-pitched squeak came from Jessica as another sob fell over her and her arm flew across Newton in search of comfort. Fake fucking bitch.

Laurent nodded slowly, crouching his body lower.

"Yes, Bella. The river, you said. But …" He stopped when the front door crashed open, the sound of melodic laughter drifting into the kitchen. James and Victoria. They entered, intertwined as usual. James' arm draped over his lover's shoulder, his fingers buried deep in her fiery hair as hers ran under his shirt and across his stomach. As they took in the sombre expressions of those at the table, they dropped into chairs, never breaking intimate contact.

"What? Why does everybody look so goddamn sullen?" There was a chuckle in James' voice as his eyes swept those sat around him.

"Rozz is dead." Newton chirped, never missing an opportunity to kiss James' ass. If he ever fucking called her Rozz again I'd break his creepy little spine. And I'd do it with a smile on my face too. She hated that nickname as much as I despised 'Izz'; the nickname a vain but loyal twelve-year old Rosalie insisted on giving the dark and disturbed ten-year old Isabella. But we were both stubborn bitches, even as kids. So when I'd retorted with 'Rozz', neither bowed down, so they stuck, and were never to be uttered by any but the two of us.

Victoria straightened, pulling her face from its position buried in the crook of James' neck.

"What? When? What about Bella?" Laurent met her eyes and nodded in my direction. They hadn't notice me, cooped in my corner; fucking classic. Her flame-red hair flicked out as she span round to where I was, her eyes flying wide as she took in my appearance. James peered over his shoulder at me before leaning closer to Laurent,

"How?"

"She drowned." Fucking Newton. Who the hell asked him? James' stare must have conveyed the same message as my thoughts, because Mike's eyes fell to the floor and his body shrank deeper into his chair. James' eyes fell over his shoulder again as he looked me over before nodding slowly. Clearly me looking like a drowned rat reinforced the story enough for him. His hands connected on the table and he leaned farther forward, turning to Laurent as Victoria draped her head across his back, still watching me.

"And how did this happen? Not a late night swim in the river, I suppose?" I knew the icy tone that swamped James' voice now; he was in hunter mode, and it contrasted starkly with Laurent's considerate undertaking as he spoke.

"No, James. Bella and Rose were on a hunt by the river when Rose fell in. I was about to ask Bella more when you and Victoria arrived." James span around then, and Laurent turned back to me, their expressions expectant.

I searched my mind for words, my body still quaking.

"She was chasing him, and she fell."

"Him?" James growled, his body shooting further forward. "_Him, _Bella?" It wasn't a rule. Each vampire being an 'it' was just something that came naturally to me given my entrance into this world, the world where we hunted them. They weren't human. And each of us knew they didn't deserve recognition of anything even remotely so.

But this one, this _vampire_, he'd been a _he _since I watched the video of the three men on the CCTV.

"He was different." Jessica had stopped sobbing, every eye in the room fixed intently on me. James dropped his head to a side,

"So it … _wasn't _a vampire?" His voice shifted, his tone now condescending. I took a deep breath, those eyes vivid in my mind as my darkest memories.

"He … it, it was." That couldn't be doubted. The thirst in those eyes, the want, couldn't be mistaken; I'd seen it too many times. His movements were vampire, one well in control, and fast. "But his eyes. He had golden eyes." I spoke as though to myself. Accentuating each word as their impossibility rang through me.

James chuckled, spinning back to Laurent.

"What shall we do about the body?" The body. Rozz's body. I squeezed my eyes shut and sub-vocally screamed back the new tears.

"Retrieval will of course be difficult, perhaps impossible. I do not see what we can do." With only the sounds of the room and the chill of my body filling my conscious, Laurent's rhythmic accent and his permanently sorrowful voice could not conceal the ice that each of his words drove into me.

"We can't just leave it there, Laurent. If anyone were to find it, run tests, it could have dire consequences for us all." My arms wrapped tighter around my legs as my mind struggled to grasp that it was Rozz they were talking about. Her body. Her lifeless fucking body at the bottom of a goddamn river.

"James, Karen returns from Italy in the morning. She will know what to do."

"Bella!" Angela shrieked as she passed through the doorway. She wore light-blue pyjamas. Of course. Angela was normal. And normal people slept at Five AM. She fell to her knees before me, her hands retracting quickly from where they were on my shoulder after she felt the cold damp. "Bella, what happened to you?"

"Rosalie's dead." Fucking Newton! He'd hopped to his feet and strode over, his face contorted into a sickening sadness. Angela's mouth dropped open, her hands returning to my shoulders quickly.

"I - I, Bella, I'm so sorry." Her hand ran across my forehead, my body was numb to the contact. "Bella, you'll catch your death if you stay here like this. Come on, let's get you upstairs." I shook my head. No sympathy, I couldn't have sympathy.

"Come on, Izz. Let's get you to bed." Fucking Newton! Angela slid out of the way as I dived for him, throwing my body on top of his as it crashed to the floor. He wriggled and I brought my hand to his neck to keep him in place, my fingers delayed in their responses to my will.

"I swear to God, Mike, if you ever fucking call me that again I'll throw a firepod down your throat you little creep!" Jessica shrieked, James chuckled and Laurent sighed as Mike gagged beneath me. Angela's hands returned to my shoulders from behind, tugging me gently.

"Come on, Bella. Come upstairs." I released Newton and stormed out of the kitchen, launching my body up the stairs. By the third step I felt dizzy. Before my buckling knees could send me rolling backwards Angela's arms came around my waist. "It's okay, Bella. I've got you." The rest went blurry. Angela managed to drag me up to the first floor, easing me to the floor and propping me against the sink in my bathroom. She rushed to the bathtub, spinning the hot tap quickly and sitting beside it, her hand in the rising water as she kept track of its temperature.

With every breath my chest ached. My whole body felt slow, like there was a long delay between my mind issuing orders and my limbs obeying them. I couldn't even think. Everything was slow and painful.

"Bella? Bella?" I forced open my heavy eyes. Angela stared back at me, her expression full of concern. "You're so cold, Bella. Come on, get this off." She pulled the jacket from my limp body. The simple vest top I wore beneath exposed my arms, which felt raw and achy. The cotton was like ice against my stomach and back, so I didn't protest when Angela pulled it over my head, tossing it aside with the jacket. After my shoes, I tried to wriggle in assistance as she tugged of my bottoms but instead found darkness clouding my vision and my head rocking to the side. "Bella, stay awake. I need you awake, Bella. Okay?"

I leaned close against Angela's warm body as she lifted me to my feet and helped me climb into the bath. I'm sure it was supposed to be warm, but to me it felt like nothing. My body was numb to all sensation as it was lowered into the water.

"I'll be right back." I nodded slowly, my eyelids now too heavy to fight.

:-:-:

When they opened again Angela was on the floor beside the tub, looking up at me with tired eyes. I lifted my right hand, each finger pruned. I could feel the water now and it was still warm.

"How long have I been in here?"

"About an hour. I kept refreshing the water so it wouldn't get cold." When I sat up my muscles burned and I grunted through my teeth. Angela leaned over to me, grabbing my arms to help me up.

"No, I'm okay. You go to bed. I'll be fine." She took a second to stare into my eyes. Angela was smart. She knew us all too well to insist. So she just nodded and left.

I dressed slowly, pausing to fight back tears more than once. The mirror before the sink was all fogged over. I went to wipe it but pulled away at the thought of my pathetic face staring back at me.

The house was silent as I dropped into bed. It was gone six. The luxury of turning in this late was that I got to miss the nightly sounds of James and Victoria moaning and screaming upstairs. Their fucking was something I've had to live with since James met Victoria three years ago. Some places were worse than others. In some houses the walls were paper thin, whereas in others we all got the luxury of peace and quiet, be it from a separate building or thicker walls. This house was old and sturdy, but with their room directly above mine, it'd been my i-pod in my ears every night since we got here, blocking them out.

I rolled up tighter when I thought of the empty bedroom on the other side of the wall behind me. Rozz's room. It would be dark in there now. It would never have been dark if Rozz was in there. She couldn't sleep in the dark. She couldn't be alone and vulnerable in the dark. At her age, in this house, that may be a cause for mockery. But we'd all seen her the night she changed, the night the darkness she'd since been so scared of crept into her soul.

:-:-:

It was just under a year ago. We were all on the outskirts of Moscow, hunting a particularly large coven. We caught up with them in the dead of night, in the woods where a blanket of snow covered everything. There were five of them and eight of us, we'd never come across a coven of this size. And in the snow we knew building fires was impossible. So our only options were to get our anti-venom in somehow - without getting killed, or burn them on the spot. Vamp-venom burned like gasoline. But getting a vampire to hold still long enough to spark them off, could get tricky.

At first it had been me and Rozz, like always. Working in pairs always made sense, but with a group of older vampires it was easier to get separated. I'd burned the first one whilst Rozz fought off one who was getting especially volatile over us. We used the first two as a base to burn the rest. James and Victoria pulling one apart and throwing it onto the flames. When I found myself pinned beneath one, snarling with black eyes, the venom almost dribbling from its lips, I squirmed and called for Rozz through gritted teeth as I fought to keep the suckers face from closing the few inches gap between us. It was Laurent who threw it off, rolling onto its torso and detaching the head whilst I jumped up and did the same to the legs. I looked up, almost everyone had gathered around the pile of four burning bodies. _"Where's Rozz?". _They all looked around, breathless and clueless. I started screeching her name. There was still a vamp out there, and now Rozz was missing.

A blood-curdling scream penetrated the dark silence of the woods. In a flash we were each racing towards it. My body was giddy with panic as I ran, my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach when I saw her. She was spread out across the snowy floor, the bloodsucker leaning over her, a twisted grin across its face. James and Laurent flew into it, pulling it to the floor and keeping it there. I dropped down beside Rozz. Her eyes were wide and her breathing rapid. When I shook her she didn't respond, she just kept staring, breathing and shaking. _"Rozz, Rozz. Look at me!" _There was no response, and I could see the vampire still wriggling beneath James and Laurent. _"It's a Gifted!" _We didn't fuck around with Gifted's. In any other situation this vamp would have suffered. We'd have killed it with anti-venom; the most painful method we had. But instead we had to be quick. Tear it apart and burn it before it could do any of its freaky shit on us.

As soon as I heard the first crack of the sucker's flesh splitting, Rozz woke up. She screamed and thrashed beneath me. Clawing and kicking as I tried to hold her down. _"Rozz, Calm down! It's ok, it's me! It's Izz!"_ She didn't listen, just shrieked and punched and writhed across the ground. _"Get off me! Don't touch me! No, no, stop, no!"_

It took all of us to drag her back to the house. In the effort, a powerful kick made contact with Victoria's chin, Laurent was tossed against a tree, whilst, Jessica and I got bruises and scratch marks all over us. Rozz still screamed and wriggled as James caged her in his arms and dragged her into the house. He threw her down on the floor, Laurent and Victoria helping to pin her down. I crawled to her side, barely recognising my friend through the snarling and crying. As her body was pressed into the wooden floor she lifted her head repeatedly, driving it back down with frightening force as she screamed. I slid my hand into the gap, my fingers throbbing as she thrashed against them instead. I continued to shush her, tried to talk to her. She seemed unresponsive and just kept screaming, _"Stop touching me! Stop! Please, stop!"_ Karen raced into the room, a needle in her hands. James released one of Rozz's arms from beneath him, Victoria wrestling with it as Karen drove in the needle. Moments later, Rozz was quiet.

I sat at her side as she slept. Though she was silent and still, there was no peace to her. No calm. Rozz was never at peace or calm after that night. When she woke she was drowsy, but still terrified. I just held her face and made her stare at me until she recognized who I was. _"Izz?"_ The tears in her eyes twinkled in the dark room. While she'd slept everyone else had discussed the effect the Gifted had had on them. Each had been exposed to a split reality. Though the Gifted may have been too distracted to subject the full brunt of its power on any of them, they'd all seen, felt, and heard, terrible things. I'd not felt anything. No darkness got into my mind. My only nightmare was the reality of that night. Rozz had not been so lucky. _"They kept touching me, Izz. Their hands were everywhere, and they wouldn't stop." _

Nobody had touched her. The naked men that had torn at Rozz's clothes, beaten her, violated her; they didn't exist. But it was real.

The effects of that night on Rozz were so vast and irreversible that nobody could deny the reality of it.

:-:-:

I groaned as my body leapt awake. The tiniest movement causing everything to throb. I buried my head back into the pillow, thankful the thick curtains were shielding me from the morning sun. For a moment I could have been anywhere, anyone. As my brain booted up all that mattered was the pillow beneath my head and the beating of my heart; that I was alive.

Then I really woke up. Then I remembered.

I remembered what that meant now, being alive. I was without Rozz. Without the only person in the world I really cared about. The only one who I couldn't bear to lose; and _she _was the one who'd never be coming back.

The tears rose up in me like bile, and I forced them back with full determination. Tears were useless. Absolutely fucking pointless in a world where there's nobody there to wipe them away. Tears get you nothing. Tears get you nowhere.

Upstairs I heard voices and footsteps. They came from Karen's study. A room only to be accessed with permission or when called. A room locked, it's only key kept with Karen at all times. Now it was open, it could only mean she was back. Fucking fantastic.

I rolled from the bed, practically grinding my teeth as I moved. I pulled on a grey vest and dark sweats and crawled up the flight of stairs, flicking open the study door. Fuck knocking. I'm not knocking for any fucker today.

Everyone stopped in their tracks as I stood in the doorway, their eyes darting towards me. Karen sat behind her antique oak desk, her elbows resting before her and her fingers interlocked. James and Victoria stood before her, their bodies as good as coitally intertwined. Laurent was at the side of the room, watching me intently.

"Come in, Bella." Karen sighed as she spoke, and the implied disappointment in the sound had me throwing the door shut behind me. I smirked as she raised an eyebrow in warning and her eyes darkened. Karen blew air threw her pursed lips and straightened back against her chair. "We were just discussing last night, Bella. Would you like to tell us more of what happened?" I took a deep breath and clenched my fists. This was being discussed like a fucking argument or a smashed window. I looked over to Laurent who still watched me. His eyes were understanding. He knew what this was like; standing here and discussing the loss of a loved one so frivolously. It was how it was done. I rolled my glance over to the lascivious pair beside me. Would _I _give a fuck if it had been Victoria at the bottom of the river right now?

"She tripped, hit her head, and fell in the river." Karen nodded. I stared back into her dark eyes with a scowl and a sneer at my lips.

"And the vampire?"

"Got away." Karen's eyes devoured me. She watched as my teeth clenched and my knuckles grew white with the pressure I was applying to them. She nodded slowly; a small smile playing at her lips like my reaction pleased her.

"And nobody saw what happened?"

"No." She nodded again and slouched a little into her seat.

"Well, Bella. I think that's all."

"No. No it's not. The vampire had golden eyes." James chuckled and rolled his head. "He fucking did!"

"There you go with that _he _again, Bella. Hell, this sucker must have been special. Not only did it have you delusional but it drove poor Rosie gaga enough to send her to the bottom of the fucking Thames!"

"I'm not delusional. I know what I saw!"

"Sure. If you ask me you were spending too much time with that crazy bitch. Maybe you _saw _gold the same way little Rose _felt _all those men screwing her that night."

The force as my fist collided with James' face sent him crumbling back into Victoria's arms.

In a second Laurent's arms were around my waist and Karen had leapt over the desk, standing between a shocked James and me.

"Fuck you, you fucking asshole! I'll kill you I swear." James shot forward, snarling towards me, restrained by Victoria and pushed back by Karen.

"I'd like to see you try, little girl!" I lunged forward, but didn't get any closer to my target as Laurent's arms tightened around my ribs.

"Enough!" Karen yelled and we fell silent. The only sounds were the laboured pants of everyone in the room. "All of you, out now. I need to speak with Bella." James snarled and shrugged from Victoria's grip before storming from the room. Victoria raced after him and Laurent lowered me to the floor before leaving.

"Bella, that was completely uncalled for." Karen returned to her chair behind the desk. I bit my tongue. The sooner she said her piece the sooner I could get the fuck out of here. "And I hear you attacked Michael last night."

"He fucking deserved it!" Fucking Newton! I couldn't help it. I couldn't bite my tongue when that asshole came up. Just like I couldn't resist throwing him against a wall every now and then.

"Bella, I will not have you treating my son that way. He deserves your respect. As does James. And I won't accept that kind of language either. Now sit down." I scowled but didn't budge. Newton was such a Momma's boy it was ridiculous. Karen set her jaw and hissed, "Sit down, Bella." I threw myself into the chair, letting my legs dangle over one of the armrests. "I understand that what happened last night will have upset you, Bella. But it is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. We are _family, _Bella." I shrunk at the word. This wasn't a family. This was a collective. We lived under the same roof, hunted the same predators, but didn't give a fuck about the well-being of one another, the only exceptions being for our own little bonds. Me and Rozz. James and Victoria. Newton and his fucking Mother. "Your principal concern must always be to your family. You cannot just fall apart, you have to stay strong." I wanted to spit in her face. Rozz had been dead less than twelve hours and Karen was talking about getting the fuck over it. Not that anyone in this house needed to get over it. To them, she was gone, and that was it. That's how things worked round here.

"You listen to me, Bella. These outbursts of yours are not acceptable. I will not have you going down that road, not again." I sneered. She had no idea what 'little outbursts' I was capable of. At that second I felt like ripping this fucking townhouse to pieces. Smashing every window. Pulling down every wall. Breaking every bone of every inhabitant. Karen sighed and dropped back into her seat.

"Or perhaps, if this event is too painful for you, we should send you away for a while." My body flew upright and Karen grinned. No. I couldn't leave now. I could never leave Rozz behind. The thought of her body lying at the bottom of a river, alone and forgotten whilst I lived and breathed a million miles away made me sick to my stomach. "Perhaps time with your father would help you heal." I leapt to my feet and dropped my fists onto the desk. Karen just smiled. She knew she fucking had me. She knew I wouldn't step a foot out of line so long as the threat of being shipped to Forks hung over me.

"No."

"He must miss you, Bella. When did you last call?" I drove my fists back into the dark oak.

"No!"

"Then don't give me a reason." She looked me over and spun the blood-red gemstone ring she always wore on the middle finger of her left hand. "You're special, Bella. Do your job, and accept the costs that come with it. You are excused." I turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway, not turning back when Karen called.

"Oh, and Bella. No more nonsense about golden eyes, am I understood?" I didn't answer, just let the door drop behind me.

:-:-:

In the kitchen Angela and Jessica stood around the stove, cooking eggs. Mike and Laurent were at the table. Mike span a spoon between his fingers as Laurent read the paper. I wanted to scream at the sight. It was so normal, so everyday. Nothing should be normal when somebody dies. The whole world should stop. Everyone should pay attention and be altered. There should be silence and reflection, not newspapers and eggs. Everyone should empathise. Everyone should feel the loss and have to know that life will never be the same again.

"Bella! Good morning. How are you feeling?" Angela strode over to me cautiously. I know inside she wanted to be sad, she just couldn't. She'd been programmed to accept the losses that weren't hers. Like most of us, Angela knew loss. She knew what it felt like to be haunted by the knowledge and memory of someone beloved being torn from this world.

"I'm fine."

"Are you hungry? You should eat something." I couldn't eat. The normality of the scene before me was turning my stomach.

"No. I'm not hungry." I turned and ran back upstairs, not sure why I'd even come down in the first place.

In my room I dressed quickly. Scraping my hair into a ponytail, my body almost quaking with the need to be out of this fucking house.

I took the stairs in leaps, Angela shouting after me as I threw open the front door.

"Bella! Where are you going?"

"Out." I ran at a standard pace, weaving through the civilians until I reached the place I knew I needed to be.

:-:-:

The cover of the manhole lay in its place. As I stared down I remembered I'd last seen it thrown to the side after the bloodsucker threw it out of the way. I stood and waited until the dark alleyway was completely empty, then lifted the cover and jumped down.

My stomach wrenched as I made my way down the dark tunnel. The tunnel I'd walked only hours ago, with Rozz's hand in mine. The door beneath me had been locked. Without a doubt someone, or something, had been back here. I only hoped that whatever it was, it was still here.

No light flooded the tunnel when I lifted the door. The abandoned station was pitch-black. I didn't reach for my torch. I didn't want to be able to see. As I walked forward I felt my knees shake. I stood to gather myself and reached out for the tiled wall for support, shrinking away when I remembered how Rozz had ran her hands across the tiles. How she'd looked around this place with awe and fascination. And that dangerous fucking excitement of hers.

I sniffed, sucking back those useless tears and walked over to where I knew the rafter would be. The rafter he'd crouched in.

'_It', _Bella. Fucking _'it'!_

Those golden eyes were singed into my memory. More even than the image of Rozz's body tumbling into the river I remembered those goddamn eyes. Nobody, not James or Karen or anybody could convince me they weren't real.

The way they'd stared at me. The way that fucking vampire wanted me was so palpable. But he hadn't moved. He'd been there, before I'd even spotted him he would have seen me, smelled me. But nothing. He didn't jump for me, didn't dive for my flesh like I'd seen so many do before. He almost … fought?

I rolled my eyes at the thought. Vampires didn't fight their thirst. It wasn't in their nature, I fucking knew that too well.

My foot met something and the sound of rolling metal had me crouching to the floor and fumbling to find what it was. I rolled the item in my hands. It was the empty canister of firefoam, the one I'd emptied onto the flames Rozz had ignited.

What ifs were as useful as tears, and just as inescapable. What if I hadn't bothered with the flames? What if I'd taken after Rozz straight away, been right beside her instead of so far behind?

I dropped to the ground and leaned back against the wall, biting my lip to keep back the tears. What if the bloodsucker had just done it? Gone for me, sucked me dry. He'd be dead. I might be. But Rozz would be alive. I had no idea what a Rozz without me would be. There'd be nobody looking after her, nobody upholding what little sanity had been left. Not that I'd done a very good job.

:-:-:

I'd been sat for what felt like eternity in the darkness, clenching my teeth and groaning when I felt the moisture building up in my eyes. When the darkness got tedious, when I just wanted to be able to see, I pulled out my torch. I scanned the room with the light. No vampire. I needed that fucker. I needed to see it again. I don't know what I'd do when I did. What was more important, me taking out my pain on him, the pain for which he was partly fucking responsible, or proving to every fucker back home he had golden eyes?

I chuckled when I imagined Karen's face when I dropped that vamps severed head on her desk. Then we'd see how fucking delusional I was.

Something shone from the other side of the platform. I crawled towards it, stopping when it fell under the beam of light from my torch. Rozz's knife.

I picked it up and dropped back into a sitting position. The tears rolled down my cheeks of their own accord now, and there was nothing I could do about them. I gripped the handle as the sobs tore through me. It must have dropped from her belt when she pulled out the firepod. I was glad. Glad that whatever afterlife Rozz may have gone to, she would not have this. She couldn't cut herself. She could be happy. She could be safe.

I traced a line across my wrist with the blade, stopping for a second before pushing.

Blood flowed from the wound. I watched as it dripped down and around my arm, listened to the gentle pit-pat as the little droplets made contact with the floor. The clarity of the pain ripped through me, filling me with ice cold insight. Gone were the feelings of the past hours. The dormant anger, so veiled by numbness, erupted. The tears were gone as I clasped my hand over the wound, pushing down to stop the flow of liquid. If that sucker wanted my blood it could fucking come and get it. I wanted to see it lose its fucking mind.

After wrapping layers of bandage around quickly, I pulled out my handheld, replaying the video that started all this. I knew which one it was; the small one. That's the one I wanted.

I wouldn't give Karen a reason to ship me off to Charlie.

I wouldn't fall apart, wouldn't crumble.

But I would have my revenge. I'd find this bloodsucker. I'd never stop until I had it in my grip.


	3. If You Have No Answers

**A/N:Sorry about the length between updates, I hope you enjoy chapter three.**

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**_El Manana - Gorillaz_

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_**#3- ... If You Have No Answers?**

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"I know you can do it, Laurent! Don't give me that crap!" Leaning over his desk I met his gaze over the top of his computer screen.

"No, Bella. I just can't. It would mean reprogramming everything. And do you even know what kind of gold you're looking for? I'd need specifics, Bella. If we were to have all the cameras looking for any red we'd have them screaming vamp at every bus, fire-truck and rouge-lipped woman in London." I gripped the sides of the desk and let my head drop. I knew he was right. _Gold _was useless. In programming our CCTV feeds to find bloodsuckers we'd had to find the exact pigmentation and its varying shades; no easy feat. It was an Italian group of Lumini that figured it out. Karen was so proud she had gemstone rings made for each of us, the stone that specific shade of red when an aged vampire was fully fed. I'd never worn mine.

"Bella, perhaps you should go and get some rest." His eyes trailed down to my wrist and he breathed deep through his nose. No doubt he could smell the antiseptic I'd put on as strong as I could. I'd come home and checked the wound, my many experiences of cleaning Rozz up helped me in knowing it would not need stitches, but infection wasn't something I was aiming for, so I'd cleaned it thoroughly.

"No, I don't need rest. I just need to find that motherfucker." Laurent stared back at me, his expression blank. Even now, four years since his wife was lost, the sadness was still so evident in his eyes. "Laurent, I just need to find it."

"Then find it, Bella."

I slunk back upstairs, positive that Laurent didn't believe me about the golden eyes. He was just humouring me, he was probably just scared I was losing my mind. I was contemplating the thought that I actually fucking might be when I pushed open my door to find Victoria sat on the end of my bed.

"Hello, Bella." A tired sigh came through my lips as my body leaned back against the shut door. Victoria without James was a rare sight, so I half expected him to jump out and give me the beating of my life for hitting him earlier. She rose to her feet, flicking her read hair over a shoulder before sauntering towards me with her cat-like stare. "I just thought I'd check you were okay." I scoffed and Victoria stopped before me,

"Cut the crap, Red. I know you came to unleash that feline intimidation on me for giving your boyfriend a boo-boo. I hate to disappoint you, but he deserved it, and if he ever talks about Rosalie like that again, I'll do far worse." It was Victoria's turn to laugh, the sound high and girly.

"Oh, Bella. You've always had a very high opinion of yourself, haven't you?" The smile fell from her lips and she leaned forward, hissing in my ear. "He could destroy you in a heartbeat. So could I." My head dropped back so I could meet her stare. Victoria was nice enough, so long as you didn't piss her off. And if you wanted to piss Victoria off, you just had to fuck with James.

"You know, I actually liked him before he met you." That was a bare-faced lie. I'd first met James when my Mom was dating his uncle, who later became my step-dad. Even then James had been obnoxious. Though as a kid he wasn't quite as unbearable as he was nowadays, he was still a pain in the ass. "And I liked all his old girlfriends way better too." Victoria snarled before smashing her palm against the door, making it shake on its hinges. That one had been a lie too. James had only had one girlfriend before Victoria, and both Rozz and I had agreed she was a manipulative whore. I turned to look where Victoria's hand had fallen just inches from my face. She wanted to hit me; she wanted it so bad it was hilarious. But she couldn't. There was a pecking order in this house where Karen was concerned, and whether I liked it or not, I was definitely in the top three with James and Newton. The three of us could scrap all we liked without any major consequences, but anyone else would be in deep shit if they touched us. Newton; because he was her Momma's boy, James; because he was her nephew, and me; because Phil Dwyer was Karen's brother, and my mother had married him.

Victoria drew away, whispering before she pulled the door open and left,

"One day, Bella." I sighed at the threat, dropping my head back against the wood and mumbling to myself,

"Look forward to it."

:-:-:

For almost two weeks I looked everywhere. I checked the abandoned station regularly, but never found anything and scouted everywhere central to the city that had known Vampire history. We'd come here three months ago when the number of "mysterious deaths" heightened. London had been pretty vamp-free since the blitz; the creatures usually opt for less crowded environments or live on the outskirts, darting in and out when peckish. And vamps don't travel too well. Stick one in a pressurised, flying cylinder with one hundred plus other passengers and its asking for trouble. But somehow a few small covens and nomads had wormed their way in, and when we got wind of it, we came over to take care of the situation.

But twelve days since Rosalie's death, and I still had nothing.

I'd exhausted everything I had, looked everywhere. I didn't try and ask anyone about the gold eyes anymore. If they hadn't been so present in my every thought since they first bore into mine then everybody else's lack of belief may have caused my own to falter.

I'd kept my behaviour under control like a good little Lumina so as not to piss Karen off. In fact I'd all but slipped off the radar, spending the majority of my time either out looking for the blood-sucker or sleeping restlessly in the day.

It was a Thursday evening, and even in the basement I could hear the rain beating down furiously. The occasional flashes of light that shot through the one tiny, barred window were chased closely by the comforting rumble of thunder. I loved rain. If it was raining then an almost alien sense of calm washed over me. I'd lie in bed with my windows wide open so I could better hear the furious raindrops. It rained so much in Forks. Precipitation had been my near constant companion in my time there, pretty much the only draw that Forks could ever offer me.

But now even the rain could only just take the spike out of my anger.

Though I'd always hate any kind of similarity with James, we both did share the same need for an outlet for our aggression, aggression that never seemed to truly go away. When I was younger, before my operation, Karen had gotten me punch bags wherever we went. When I was too strong to have anything but the effect of punching water on them, she got me a Beretta 92FS. The gun was a "gift". She came back from one of her trips with one for me, and one for James. At first I'd been more than sceptical; she'd always been insistent we used silencers, and we were never allowed to take them out of the house. She'd even told us shooting Newton was a no-no.

I could almost read the indecision on Karen's face when she gave it me. I knew she wanted nothing more than for me to become her little pawn. On the surface I was, she was the head of the little group that owned my soul. She knew I'd kill vamps until the last breath left my body, and she also knew why. She knew my vendetta, and the rage that it brought me. She knew I had no loyalties, well at least not then, at least not until Rozz came to join us a month later.

After I squeezed back the trigger I felt the piece jolt to life, and watched as the cheap vase I'd stood a few feet away exploded into pieces. I exhaled deep, appreciating the much needed sense of control it had brought me.

"You're such a cliché, Bella." I gritted my teeth, not moving my eyes to the doorway where he lingered, like a bad smell.

"Fuck you, Newton." He chuckled, rolling his head back and wandering closer to me. Newton didn't have aggression. He had his Momma, his pretty little girlfriend and a sense of undeserved self-righteousness that just wouldn't quit.

"You missed dinner again, Bells." I set my jaw again. I hated when he called me that. Only one person on the planet called me Bells, and even when he said it I felt uncomfortable.

"I wasn't hungry." I'd never sit around that table again. Being in the presence of everyone in this house while they ate was only barely tolerable when I had Rozz beside me, now it would be torture.

"But you're wasting away." His hand hovered around my waist as he drew sickeningly close.

"I have a gun, worm. Touch me and it'll be real hard for me to resist unloading one between your eyes." He smirked and raised his hands beside him in defeat. My mouth rose in disgust when his eyes wandered up and down me, his bottom lip set between his teeth. When he was done, his gaze hovered over my chest before they shot back up to my scowling eyes.

"Aren't you gonna say goodbye?"

"Goodbye, Mike." He scoffed, running his hand through his blonde hair and bending his knees,

"Not me, Bella. Jess. Remember, she's off on vacation." I squirmed at the word. Lumini vacations didn't involve sunning yourself on a beach somewhere or strapping on some skis. It was a mandatory three month sentence we had to serve once a year. Our anti-venom was taken away and we were removed from the job. I hated it. Not just because coming off the anti-venom could at times be really painful, but it made you weak, and slow. It was just the way it affected us, and for me, it was torture. I hated being weak, I hated not being able to do my job.

"How nice for her. I'll try not to miss you too much, Mikey." Everything around here worked in our pairs. Newton and Jess would go off the anti-venom at the same time just like Rozz and I always had.

"Oh, you won't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here a little while longer, to keep an eye on you." He leaned in closer, whispering in my ear and I swatted him away. "Mom's orders, Bella. I'm your new partner."

"Over my dead body."

"Ah, your body, Bella. The things I'd like to do to your body!" He caught my arm in his grip before I could strike him; I growled and hissed through my teeth,

"Stay away from me, you sick fuck."

"Easy, Bella. It's only for a while anyway. Just until the new girl arrives." A smug grin crept across his face as he dropped my arm.

"What new girl?"

"Rozz's replacement. She'll be here in a few weeks." I stared into his grinning eyes for a moment before throwing the gun down on the nearest shelf, noticing as Newton flinched. Fucking pussy.

I took the stairs to Karen's study three at a time, barging through the door,

"What the fuck is this about a new girl?" Karen pulled the black-rimmed glasses from her eyes, dropping them atop the sheets of paper she'd been reading through.

"You barge into my office without permission, and you're using the type of language I don't approve of … _again_, Bella."

"I don't give a crap. This is bullshit. I swear to god, Karen, you even try sticking me with someone else I'll be out of here so fast." She pushed up the sleeves of her cream sweater and brought her elbows onto the desk.

"And where would you go, Bella? You belong here, we both know that." I felt my chest heaving and clenched my fists tight.

"It's Bullshit. Laurent doesn't need a partner. Laurent didn't get a _replacement" _I spat the word, the notion of replacing a human being disgusting me.

"Bella, Laurent is both older and more in control than you. The loss of his wife, if anything, made him more capable of working alone. You've been a loose canon from the start, Bella. Rosalie, especially after the incident with the gifted, she grounded you. You had to keep calm for her; she had an effect on you that went beyond what even I had expected for her."

"What are you talking about, what you _expected_?" She took a deep breath, her eyes scrutinising every aspect of my composure, or lack there of.

"I brought her here for you, Bella. I saw the bond you had when you were children, and thought she would be beneficial to you. After what happened with your Mother, I thought you would find that bond with James but obviously …. I was wrong." She clapped her hand on the desk and sighed like me and James not finding common ground disappointed her. I pressed my teeth tighter when I felt warm liquid fill my eyes.

"You talk about her like she was a fucking pet. Like she was just here as my little companion. Rozz was so good at what she did, she was my _sister _and she's gone!"

"Well, I'm getting you a new sister, Bella."

"It doesn't fucking work like that, Karen!" She slapped her palm down on the desk,

"It does in this house! I will not lose you, Bella. I will not allow you to spiral down the black hole I see you hovering over. You're special, Isabella. How many times must I tell you that?" I took my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down hard, averting my eyes from Karen completely. She drew a deep breath, "I understand losing her must have been upsetting, but it's time to move on, Bella. You've dealt with loss before, it made you stronger, this time should be no different. Have you been looking for it, the vampire?" I wiped the back off my hand roughly across my eyes but didn't respond. "Haven't you thought to ask for help? Let us help you, Bella. Take James, you _know _he could find it for you." He fucking could as well. The guy had a creepy ability to find things; vamps and people alike. He was the one who'd led us straight to Rozz the night the gifted got her and he was the one who'd found me the first time I ever came face to face with a bloodsucker.

"I don't want help, I don't _need _help, and I don't need your goddamn replacement either!"

I tore down the stairs, throwing myself through the front door into the pouring rain. The sky was dark and the street was only lit by the streetlamps and the dim glows shielded through the drawn curtains of the sleepy houses. At the end of the road I came to a stop, raising my face and letting the raindrops slap against my face.

I listened as a few cars zoomed past me on the road, skimming through the layer of water building across the surface. I frowned when I felt the twinge again. It wasn't painful or uncomfortable, it was just there. A little tingle in my head I'd had on several occasions since I lost Rozz. I'd be walking through the streets late at night and I'd feel it, and on more than one occasion it had woke me up prematurely. Bringing my palm to my forehead I wondered if I should worry. Given the fact it started up after that night, I figured the buzz in my brain was just my deep self-hatred manifesting itself into something even more conscious.

A shiver tore through me and I straightened myself. What was I going to do? Standing here in the cold and making myself ill would get me nowhere, if anything it'd be another nail in my coffin where Karen was concerned.

My eyes wandered across the road to the park, the entirety of it was drenched in darkness but for one tree with fairy lights laced through it. To me it looked out of place, its little lights combining to make a shine that spread across the rippling pond at the foot of the trunk.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the internal twinge and pushed the soaking hair off my face before taking a deep breath ready to turn and head back to the hell-hole.

But my exhale wedged in my throat when something caught my eye across the street. A man stood beneath a branch that hung over the sidewalk, barely shielding him from the persistent rain.

He stared at me, his gaze dark and unsure.

I knew that consuming stare, that bronze hair and that pale skin, and though I couldn't see clearly from where I was, I knew exactly what colour that fuckers eyes would be.

My heart jolted in a mix of emotions as what I'd waited for had fallen into my hands.

With a leap I bolted across the road towards it, a thrill of electricity bolting through me when I saw the bloodsuckers eyes widen in shock. I hoped it was due to the fear of what I was about to fucking do.

Then it hit me ….literally.

A big white van going too fast thundered into my left side, sending me rolling across the windshield and bouncing me off the roof.

It hurt.

But no bones would have been broken so I just prepared to myself to roll off the roof and land crouched; plenty of time to dwell on the fact I'd got hit by a fucking car when the bloodsucker was dealt with.

I hit the floor with my left foot first, bending my knee as my right leg came down too. But I slipped. My foot slid in a puddle and I fell, with all the force the collision had caused, sending the side of my head thudding against the back of the vehicle.

It had all happened so fast, and as I lay in the road I couldn't see or hear. I could only feel as the cold rain splashed down on my face. Cold, then warm. Throbbing warmth was spreading above my right eye, something oozing across and around my face.

Blood.

Fuck.

:-:-:

You know that white light they tell you not to "go into"? Well nobody need bother saying it, nothing about it is appealing or tempting, it's really bright and it stings like a bitch.

It was most intense in my right eye first, then my left, then right again, before back to left.

Fucking light.

Then there's the cold.

Dying is cold, but it takes away the burning of any possible injury that got you in this mess in the first place. My cold was focused mainly on my head, it'd be there, then go away a little before complete numbness came over me.

Oh, and noisy, dying is noisy.

Not screaming and panicking noisy, there's just a lot of people saying your name. They say other things, ask you to do things you're lifeless body just doesn't want to like opening your eyes. Most of them go away though, they leave with some tumult, but they go.

All but one.

He's calm and talks quietly, even if like me, the words just don't seem to register hearing him is beautiful. If you find yourself with the strength to lift your eyelids; do it.

Because then he smiles down at you, holding your face and scrutinising you and you feel safe. His skin is pale and his hair is a brilliant blonde, the thing you'll probably notice most thought is his golden eyes.

That's what it's like to die.

:-:-:

"What the fuck!?" I groaned, creasing my brow and hoping whoever had just shouted wouldn't do it again. "KAREN!" No such luck. Something tugged at my shoulders and I groaned again, "Bella, what the fuck?" Then there were more voices,

"Bella! Oh my God!"

"What the hell happened?" The tugging returned to my shoulders and my body was lifted, my head lolling on my shoulders until it came to a rest against something warm.

"I don't fucking know. The doorbell rang and there she was." I knew that voice, the voice that had shouted and cursed. James. I opened my eyes, squinting as they adjusted to the light. James hovered before me, staring back at me. "What the fuck, Bella?" I squirmed away from him, and looked up to find myself sat in Laurent's arms.

"Where am I?" Laurent looked down at me with concerned eyes and James scoffed striding past where we were sat on the bottom of the stairs and shouting again,

"Karen! You need to get down here!" I looked around and saw Newton and Victoria stood staring at me. I rubbed my eyes and tried to lift myself from Laurent's grip but just found myself weak and flopped straight back down, closing my eyes against his chest again.

"Bella, Bella? Look at me, Bella!" I flapped my hand in an attempt to swat away the voice. "Isabella Swan you look at me this instant!" I did as I was told, and opened my eyes leaning forward until my faces was inches from Karen's who was knelt on the stairs beside me. She frowned and I giggled, collapsing backward.

"She's drunk!" I turned to Newton and growled, his voice just pissed me off.

"I am not." My words came out as a slur, my head rocking back until it was clamped in Karen's grip and brought back up to face her.

"What happened, Bella?" Her green eyes held a furious glare as the bore into mine, and I giggled again. "Laurent, get her upstairs."

"Come, Bella." He lifted me and manoeuvred one of my arms to drape around his neck before he dashed me up the stairs, dropping me down gently on my bed. I gave his arm a grateful pat and rolled over, letting my eyes drift shut again.

"Bella?" I buried my face deeper into a pillow and ignored Karen's angry tone. "Bella, who gave you those stitches?" Rolling over, I found everyone had gathered around my bed.

"What stitches?" She tapped the side of her head and I did the same to mine, frowning when I felt an abnormal feature curving around my face between my hairline and right eyebrow. I turned to Karen, who just scowled back at me,

"Who, Bella? Where the hell have you been, and what have you been doing?" She leaned over me, yelling.

"Karen, perhaps we let her rest first? Bella clearly is not … with us fully, right now." Laurent brought a hand to her shoulder and Karen nodded. I let my head drop down as sleep began to consume me,

"I'll be back in the morning, Bella. And you better have a good explanation for me."

:-:-:

I woke with the bright red of my alarm clock stinging my eyes.

4:23.

Outside it was still dark and the rain had stopped. I rolled over, gasping and pulling at my sheets when my whole body throbbed in agony. A whimper escaped me as I slowly eased onto my back and brought my palm to my burning forehead. The entire left side of my body was in unfathomable agony and I'd rather tear my head from my body than suffer the pain it was giving me much longer.

I could remember nothing. All I knew was the four walls that were around me now, and the pain that enclosed my being. I rolled again, feeling something in one of the pockets of my jeans. Slowly and carefully I reached down and pulled it out. A small piece of paper was wrapped around a plastic packet of two pills. Unfolding the paper, I squinted in the darkness to make out what was written across it.

_Do not take these until the morning, and next time,_

_please watch where you are going._

I read it over, scrutinising the intricate handwriting.

I brought my hand back to my head, running my fingers across the stinging line, and remembered the van. I remembered getting hit and then slipping when I tried to land and smashing my head.

I read the note again, spinning the pills in my fingers but froze when I remembered what had caused me to run across the road so carelessly in the first place. The vampire. I'd bled in front of it and I was still alive. I squirmed again and my eyes darted around the room, at least I thought I was alive.

But after hitting the van I remembered nothing. I knew I was home, I knew this was my bed, but how did I get here? My eyes dashed across the paper again, "watch where you are going". This note must have come from someone who'd been there, who'd seen me.

And "next time"? What the hell did that mean? Had I made some agreement to be there again that had been knocked from my memory?

I looked down at the pills. Irresponsible as taking them would be, I'd do anything for a chance to get rid of some of this pain, and gone 4am was near enough to morning for me. After popping them from the packet I forced them down my throat one at a time, wincing at the taste and dropped my head back down onto the pillow.

:-:-:

"Wake up, Bella" I screeched when something shook my body and pain darted through me, swatting the two hands away from both my shoulders and rubbing my eyes. "Get up, Bella. We need to talk."

"I can't move." Karen huffed and dropped onto the bed,

"Bella, what happened to you last night?" I was tempted to just scream at her to leave me alone, but the anger in her eyes was at a level even I didn't want to fuck with.

"I got hit by a car … I think."

"A car? You think? You have got to be kidding me with this, Bella." I just stared up at her, the anger from last night quickly coming back to me. "So you were hit by a car, and despite the _gifts _this life has given your body, you somehow manage to mess it up and hurt yourself?" I stared back at her with dead eyes, nothing about me conveying a response. "So who fixed your head up, Bella?" She took a deep breath and leaned in, stroking my hair. "It's just because I'm worried, sweetheart. You know how much it would hurt me if something happened to you. So tell me, Bella. Tell me what happened."

"I don't remember." She pulled away and rose to her feet,

"Fine, we'll do it your way. But this is the last straw, Bella. You're not to leave this house until I say so!" She marched out, slamming the door behind her. Like that was a fucking punishment right now, in my current state I wasn't much up to moving anyways.

:-:-:

Over the next week Angela fussed over me constantly and the bruises across my body began to fade. Karen stayed strict and pissed off, yanking out my stitches unforgivingly when the time came. At night I'd read over the note again and try and piece together what had happened. My mind kept running back to the same impossible theory.

I thought I'd died. I remembered the bright lights, the cold, and the distant voices. I also remembered the golden eyes of the one who'd looked down at me. I was so sure it wasn't a dream. The memory was vivid and the face was different from the one I'd thought of and dreamt about every day since Rozz died.

I was done with not knowing and being cooped up and having to rack my brain for any answers. So one night, one week after I got hit by the car, I hopped from my bedroom window and made my way towards the park with the note between my fingers.

I stared across the road, scouring every inch of where it had stood but found nothing.

Then there was that twinge in my head again.

"Hello." I almost jumped out of my skin as shock leapt through my body. My breathing was rapid as I turned around. His palms were raised slightly, "I'm Edward Cullen."

* * *

**Silence is Golden, but reviews are as sparkly as Cullens....**


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